subdued for a misconstrued impressionability

Since the month of May, four years ago, when I was getting my own place and my parents first moved 250 miles away, I have been engulfed in a cycle of delusions and their subsequent realizations. I delude myself to this desirable expectancy, but then realize how many factors and variable entangles every scenario. My optimism has made me cynical after many times of being led to disappointment from my original expectancy. Everything is not what it seems, especially humanity. I am rather philanthropic, but have my occasional malevolence. This seems to be common practice amongst humanity. I lead it to a subconscious conflict between impressionability and selfishness. No question about it, we all have many selfish desires. If we constantly pursue our own selfish desires exclusively, we give off a negative impression. So to maintain an image of a positive impression, we will be charitable to other’s selfish desires. After a while of pondering this I came to this aphorism, why worry about being used and trampled upon, what’s the point of life if not to help others out. You know, I get more amusement in putting a smile on someone’s face through buying them what they want, than enjoying my expensive amusements I bought for myself. I’m sure it works the same for you. Attempting to live by such an aphorism, I feel that sometimes a little help to someone might take away from what I could do for someone else. I end up weighing out between the people in my life who do I desire that positive impression from more, comparatively. Of course my son comes top on that list, no one else out there I’m I worried about my impressionability towards than him. Impressionability is lots of times what will inspire us to this greater morality; however, it can also distract us from being honest in our observations of life. I sometimes see that worries about our impressionability that we as humans seek, evident through their shame of representing the flaws that all humans have. They make a statement, but in the aftermath, realize their own fallacy, Stubbornly standing firm on their original inference, just to not show themselves as presumptuous and flawed. I speak in the third person just to further justify this point. I am speaking inclusive of myself. I have a hard time coming to grasp my own flaws shamelessly. Yes, I am guilty of holding on to a hasty assumption just to make sure I don’t appear to be a fool. This foolishness is brought upon how elusive scenarios of life truly are. Quite possibly, this is because we are all worried about our impressionability instead of expressing the truth of the situation. In the long run, it causes more shame, and normally misery. We have been dependant upon a social structure in our lives for so many generations, it is no wonder we preoccupy ourselves with impressionability. I have deluded myself for many years expressing that I am not preoccupied by impressionability. This delusion is more than evident to anyone who knows at least a little bit about me. I felt that subduing my personifications for impressionability would be an injustice to me. I am human, as we all are, and we all know that my personality will be adjusted that for maximum impressionability. My stubbornness has made me to be one of the last to be aware of this disillusionment. The picture I am about to unveil is influenced through this disillusionment. It has become a new vision from sketches that I had drawn prior to this disillusionment, but now, altered afterwards. It is structured as a representation of many points of my existence where I have been rather preoccupied with my own impressionability. It segments different amplitudes of my persona inspired to give off the proper new impression. It also expresses how improper we perceive scenarios, and other people’s intentions; how so many things are not as first perceived. The whole basis of it comes down to being subdued for misconstrued impressionability, which is what I titled the piece. So I present to you… Subdued for Misconstrued Impressionability.

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